#yesallwomen

[dbskyler]

I've been reading the #yesallwomen Twitter hashtag and it's been simultaneously empowering and depressing.

One of the depressing things is that I would like to join in, but I don't feel comfortable doing so. Well, I also don't have a Twitter account, but I've spent a day now thinking about posting something to Facebook, and I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to face the responses I am likely to get. Which, ironically, underscores just how important this hashtag discussion is.

Anyway, if I were more courageous, here's what I would post there:

Because I have been sexually groped, without my consent, in public, by men who thought it was a funny joke. Multiple times. #yesallwomen

What responses do I not want to read? "Maybe they did mean it as a joke. Don't take it so seriously." "What do you mean by 'sexually groped'? Are you sure your boundaries aren't unreasonable?" "If it happened to you multiple times, you must've done something to provoke it."

And the really sad thing is, I am certain that almost every woman reading this has had the same thing happen to her, at one point or other in her life. Which is what men just don't understand. THIS IS NOT AN ABERRATION. THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENS TO ALL WOMEN. ALL THE TIME.

Comments

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Actually, it's never happened to me - I've never been sexually harassed once. I figure there's something wrong with me. Which doesn't mean I don't sympathise with you and everyone else who has.

[thisbluespirit]

I've never been groped by anyone, either. Happily!

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

Good!

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

Really glad to hear it's never happened to you. I just assumed it must be very common because of the casual ways it's happened to me, but I've never actually asked any other women about it before. Isn't it interesting how even we women don't talk about this stuff with each other?

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

I guess I know it happens to a lot of women because I see it mentioned a lot online (mostly in Tumblr posts or Tweets).

[thisbluespirit]

(HELLO!!! I had been thinking it'd been a while since I'd seen you in these parts. ♥)

And, yes, it is sad isn't it? There's inevitably such awful backlash in the comments, I wouldn't feel brave enough reblogging anything like that - well, almost anything serious at all. Other than here on LJ.

(And it hasn't happened to all women - I've never been groped by anyone, either.)

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

HELLO!! Yes, I've been absent, sorry about that. I should be around a bit more now, though.

And yes, I just don't feel up to dealing with backlash, although I do wish I were braver. I can be more open here on LJ, at least.

Glad to hear you've never been groped. I'd wonder if it's more of a North American thing, but one of my assaults (groping is a form of assault) happened in Scotland, in a pub, by a drunk local. He grabbed my breast, laughed, and moved on. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything.

[thisbluespirit]

Well, I think there are some cultural differences in the sexism - a lot of things many of my US online friends talk about in this line are just alien to me. But then I thought even before I read your reply, that actually, you'd only have to go into a pub/nightclub, even more so the further north it is, where there are drunk groups of men and your chances of it happening would rocket, although usually talking/shouting/flirting rather than grabbing you. (And, so, yeah: pub in Scotland. Sounds about right.) There's a very strong working class (particularly northern, sad to say) "laddish" sub-culture over here, but I would be shocked at actual touching/groping in any other circumstances. But then, I'm probably both lucky and naive.

[clocketpatch]

This happens to me with distressing regularity.

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

Sorry. It's definitely very distressing that our culture winks at this behavior.

[ghost2.livejournal.com]

Because I have been sexually groped, without my consent, in public, by men who thought it was a funny joke. Multiple times. #yesallwomen

I was a few times in high school by another student as we walked back to class from lunch--several other students laughing as they watched. I wish I'd had the guts to say something about it to a teacher or another adult. One day I finally turned on the student who was doing it and asked him what was wrong with him. He never touched me again and made an excuse when another student encouraged him to harass me.

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you were able to put a stop to it, but it sucks that it happened to you at all, let alone in high school.

[pitry.livejournal.com]

The even sadder thing is that (at least on twitter, I think on FB you could at least set the setting so that not everyone can see and respond?) these would probably be the mild reactions.

What actually pisses me off is how fast the #notallmen or #yesallpeople hashtags showed up. I know the people using them mean well, but it's almost like they're wilfully missing the point.

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

Yes, I never post in public on FB, only to friends, but unfortunately, that would just mean the backlash would be from people I know. Hopefully no comments would be truly awful (as a public post would no doubt generate), but I just don't want to deal with a FB debate on the merits of #yesallwomen, let alone a debate on whether I was actually groped or not (as if that's even a topic that's appropriate for others to weigh in on).

People using the other hashtags totally don't get the point at all.

[lolmac]

Yes. Too many times to count.

Except that the idea that it was a "funny joke" is -- in my experience -- a particularly shoddy form of implausible deniability.

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's kind of like a mix between an automatic assumption that parts of my body are literally up for grabs, and a "just playing around here, ha ha" defense system.