Fic: Subtext

[dbskyler]

Title: Subtext
Rating: G
Characters: Ten, Sarah Jane, Rose, Mr. Finch
Spoilers: School Reunion
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction, offered freely. Doctor Who and all characters belong to the BBC.
Summary: What the Doctor was thinking during certain scenes from "School Reunion."
A/N: Apologies for Scene 5, but I couldn't resist. Special thanks to Wikipedia for help with the Hartnell and Troughton eras.

All dialogue is from "School Reunion" by Toby Whithouse. This story is dedicated to him with respect and gratitude.

* * *

SCENE 1:  The Teacher's Lounge

 
Who's that with Mr. Finch?  It looks like . . . no.  No!   It can't be!  It isn't!

 It is . . .

 
Sarah Jane.

 
What year is this?  How long has it been for her?   She looks the same.  As amazing, as glorious, as wonderful as ever.  So vibrant, so full of the joy of life . . . so Sarah. 

She's noticed me.  She's coming over.

 "Hello."

 
Your voice, so magical, so transcendent.   I've missed that sound so much.  So very much.

 "Oh, I should think so."

I can't believe I just said that.  

 "And you are ....?"

 Your scent . . . oranges in an Italian grove, a rainy night on Karn . . .

 Wait, did you just ask me who I am?  I can't tell you.  Not here, not now, not with all these people in the room, people who know me as . . .  

 "Smith.  John Smith."

 "John Smith?"

 Do you suspect?  Could you possibly put so few pieces together so quickly? Are you that clever?

 You are. 

 "I used to have a friend who sometimes went by that name."

 Yes, you did.  And you still do.  But I need to mislead you if I can.

 "Well, it's a very common name."

 "He was a very uncommon man.  Nice to meet you."

 "Nice to meet you.  Yes, very nice.  More than nice.  Brilliant!"

  Incredible, amazing, wonderful, fantastic.

 "So, have you worked here long?"

 What are you up to?

 "No, it's only my second day."

 "Oh, you're new then.  So, what do you think of this school?  I mean this new curriculum?  So many children getting ill, doesn't that strike you as odd?"

 

You're investigating the school!!

 

"You don't sound like someone just doing a profile."

 

"Well, no harm in a little investigation while I'm here."

 

Oh Sarah Jane, you have no idea how proud I am of you right now.

 

"No, good for you.  Good for you.  Oh, good for you, Sarah Jane Smith!"

 

* * *

 

SCENE 2:  The School at Night

 

Rose will get the oil and Mickey will check out the Maths room, which gets both of them safely out of the way for the moment.   Now, knowing Sarah, she'll be breaking into the school tonight as well.  Is she already here somewhere?    Let's see. . . any trace on the sonic screwdriver?  Ah, yes, over here, this window has been forced open.  She's here.  Hmm, bit clumsy, having to force the window like this, too bad Sarah doesn't have a sonic screwdriver of her own.  Really ought to do something about that sometime.    And she's gone towards the Headmaster's office, good, I'll catch up with her there.

 

What's that noise?

 

There's something here, something moving in the direction she's gone.  Not to worry, Sarah can take care of herself.

 

 I'd better hurry though.  Just in case.

 

Where is she?

 

She's gone into the storeroom.   Where I parked the TARDIS.

 

She's seen it. 

 

I suppose that makes it easier.

 

"Hello, Sarah Jane."

 

"It's you!  Doctor . . . oh my God, it's you, isn't it? . . .   You've regenerated."

 

 "Oh, half a dozen times since we last met."

 

Six times since I left you, five times since Gallifrey . . . but you won't remember that, of course.    The Time Lords spun events back to before the Time Scoop took you.  But I'll remember it for you.  I'll never forget a single moment of our time together, Sarah.

 

"You look . . . incredible."

 

"So do you."

 

Incredible.

 

"I got old."

 

Old?  I suppose you are older, as am I.  But what has that got to do with anything?  Oh, right, humans and their fixation on outward appearance.  That's not what I meant at all.

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

"Well, UFO sightings, school gets record results, I couldn't resist.  What about you?"

 

"The same."

 

Good on you, my Sarah Jane! 

 

"I thought you died!  I waited for you, you didn't come back, and I thought you must have died!"

 

Oh, Sarah.

 

"I lived.  Everyone else died."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

There was a war.  A Time War.  And you were there, you and Harry were with me when it started, when the Time Lords sent us to Skaro to stop the Daleks from being created.    And I should have listened to you, Sarah, I should have done what we were sent there to do.

 

"Everyone died, Sarah."

 

* * *

 

SCENE 3:  The Corridor

 

"Who's she?"

 

Rose and Sarah get to meet!  This is great!

 

"Rose, Sarah Jane.  Sarah Jane, Rose."

 

"Hi, nice to meet you."

 

Hmm, that's a strange tone of voice from Sarah. . .

 

"You can tell you're getting older, your assistants are getting younger."

 

What?

 

"I'm not his assistant!"

 

Uh-oh.

 

"No?  Get you, tiger."

 

Okay, that didn't go as well as I'd thought.

 

* * *

 

SCENE 4:  The Cafe

 

"Did I do something wrong?  Because you never came back for me, you just dumped me."

 

Dumped you?  What are you talking about?   Watching you walk out of the TARDIS was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  But I couldn't take you to Gallifrey.  It wasn't safe.

 

"I told you.  I was called back home, and in those days humans weren't allowed."

 

The Time Lords might have erased our time together.  And I could risk your life, but I couldn't risk that, Sarah Jane.

 

"I waited for you.  I missed you."

 

I missed you, too.  You were my best friend.  Remember how I used to go around introducing you that way?  I meant it, Sarah.  You really were.  But you always teased me about wanting to go back home.  Once you were there, you were better off without me.

 

"Oh, you didn't need me.  You were getting on with your life. "

 

"You were my life."

 

Sarah . . . is that true? 

 

"You know what the most difficult thing was?  Coping with what happens next; no, what doesn't happen next.  You took me to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, you showed me supernovas, intergalactic battles and then you just dropped me back on Earth.  How could anything compare to that?"

 

I don't understand.  What do you want from me?

 

"All those things you saw, you . . . you want me to apologize for that?"

 

"No.  But we get a taste of that splendor, and then we have to go back!"

 

"But look at you,  you're investigating.  You found that school.  You're doing what we always did!"

 

Isn't it great?   Doesn't that make you happy?

 

"You could have come back."

 

"I couldn't."

 

"Why not?"

 

Because . . . I just couldn't. As  I told you once, Sarah, I walk in eternity.  And in the end, I have to take the walk alone. You would have left me, eventually.  You would have had no choice.  And so once you were gone, I couldn't return and go through losing you again.  Because otherwise, it hurts too much. I'm sorry.

 

* * *

 

SCENE 5:  Outside the Cafe (part 1)

 

"How many of us have there been traveling with you?"

 

It depends on what you mean by traveling.  You mean, people who actually took a trip with me in the TARDIS?  Let's see, there was Susan, Barbara, Ian, Vicki, Steven, Katarina, Dodo, Ben, Polly, Jamie, Victoria, Zoe . . . Sara Kingdom doesn't count, and neither does Liz since the TARDIS wasn't working back then . . . Jo, Sarah Jane of course, Harry . . . the Brigadier doesn't count, although hang on, he did come through that black hole with me, didn't he, and so did Sgt. Benton . . .  Leela, Romana, Adric, Nyssa . . . oh wait, there was also that guy who'd been kidnapped by Meglos, don't remember his name, but I remember taking him back home in the TARDIS . . .

 

This could take all night.

 

"Does it matter?"

 

* * *

 

SCENE 6:  Outside the Cafe (part 2)

 

"I've been to the year 5 billion, right, but this, now this is really seeing the future.  You just leave us behind.  Is that what you're gonna do to me?"

 

"No.  Not to you."

 

And that's one of the baldest lies I've ever told.  I don't want to do that to you, especially now that I've seen how it hurt Sarah Jane.  But not only would I do it,  I've already done it  once, remember?  When the Daleks were coming and I thought it was the end, I sent you away in the TARDIS to keep you safe, just as I left Sarah behind to keep her safe.   And forgive me, but I'd do it again, Rose.  If the same kind of situation comes up, and it's the best way to protect you, I'll send you away from me again.

 

* * *

 

SCENE 7:  The Maths Room

 

"Imagine what you could do.  Think of the civilizations you could save.  Perganon, Ascinta, your own people, Doctor.  Standing tall.  The Time Lords . . . reborn!'

 

All those civilizations, those planets, those people.  Alive again, all of them . . . Gallifrey, alive!

 

"Doctor, don't listen to him!"

 

"And you could be with him throughout eternity.  Young, fresh, never wither, never age, never die.  Their lives are so fleeting.  So many goodbyes.  How lonely you must be, Doctor.  Join us."

 

Lonely . . . so very lonely. . .

 

"I could save everyone. "

 

"Yes."

 

I could save the Time Lords . . .

 

 "I could stop the War."

 

I could bring peace to the universe.  No more death, no more destruction.  And Gallifrey; I could restore it, make it beautiful again.   Replace the memory of its burning with the glory of its resurrection.

 

"No!  The universe has to move forward.  Pain and loss, they define us, as much as happiness or love."

 

But they hurt.  And I don't want to be alone anymore.

 

"Whether it's a world, or a relationship, everything has its time.  And everything ends."

 

Sarah . . . you understand what it feels like, don't you?  Rose has known loss, but it's a child's loss, the loss of something that she never got to have.  You know an adult's loss, the loss of something that was fundamental to the way you used to be.  It's a loss that comes to all of us, if only we live long enough.  And you've experienced  it, you've been hurt, just as I have been hurt.  But you accept it, you embrace it, you make it part of yourself.  You're so strong -- have you always been this strong?  And you're right!   I have to go forward; I can't go back.  Grief is the price, but it's worth paying, because that's what it means to live.

 

Thank you, Sarah, for bringing me back to myself.

 

* * *

 

SCENE 8:  Outside the School

 

When K9 blasts the drums and the oil is released, the whole school will go up.   But everyone should be safely away . . .

 

Sarah!  I should have known you wouldn't go far.  Come to think of it, I'm surprised you left the kitchen at all.  You always did have a habit of refusing to be left out of things, didn't you?

 

"Where's K9?"

 

If I lock the door, you can't go after him.

 

"We need to run."

 

Just follow me, come on.

 

"Where is he?"

 

She's not leaving.  She's going to try to break in. No no no no no . . . 

 

"What have you done?"

 

Go back, grab her, force her to come.  I'm about to lose K9, but I am NOT losing you! Run, Sarah!  I know you remember how to run.   Can I release you now?  Will you run with me willingly if I take your hand?   You will.  You are.

 

You and I, holding hands, running for our lives.

 

I've missed this.

 

* * *

 

SCENE 9:  The TARDIS

 

"We're about to head off, but you could come with us."

 

Please, come with us?  Come with me.

 

"I can't do this anymore."

 

Oh. 

 

"Besides, I've got a much bigger adventure ahead.  Time I stopped waiting for you and found a life of my own."

 

Right.  Of course.  I understand.

 

But it still hurts.

 

* * *

 

SCENE 10:  Outside the TARDIS

 

"It's daft, but I haven't ever thanked you for that time, and like I said, I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

 

It was fun, wasn't it?

 

"Something to tell the grandkids?"

 

"I think they'd be someone else's grandkids now."

 

Oh yes.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive.  You're so young, Sarah; it's hard to remember that by your time span, your life is more than halfway over.

 

All in all, it's something I'd rather forget.

 

"Right.  Yes, sorry, I didn't get a chance to ask.  There hasn't been anyone . . . you know."

 

Part of me wants you to say yes.  And part of me hopes you say no.

 

"Well, there was this one guy.  I traveled with him for awhile.  But he was a tough act to follow."

 

 I'm sorry. But there's that piece of me that's a little bit glad, too.  And I know which piece it is.  It's the piece you traveled with the longest, the piece you knew best, the piece I think you loved,  the piece . . .

 

. . . who loves you back. 

 

Still.

 

Always.

 

"Goodbye, Doctor."

 

"Oh, it's not goodbye . . . "

 

Surely not goodbye.  If there's any justice in the universe,  we'll meet again someday.  I want to believe that.  I have to believe that.   Or I won't be able to let you go.

 

"Say it, please.  This time.  Say it."

 

Do you realize what you're asking of me?  

 

You do.  And you need to hear it, don't you?

 

All right, I'll say it.

 

For you.

 

"Goodbye."

 

And it hurts, just like I knew it would. 

 

But you know what?

 

I realize now that it's okay to hurt.

 

You're moving on, and I have to let you go.  But that piece of me will always remember you, remember us, the way we used to be.  No matter where I go, or what wonders I see, or what new people I grow to know and care about, you will remain, deep inside, always and forever . . .

 

"My Sarah Jane!"

 

My beautiful, clever, wonderful, brilliant Sarah Jane. 

 

My best friend.