frustrations

I've been in kind of a weird fandom headspace lately. I haven't been spending much time on LJ or Teaspoon, although I don't feel like I've been missing much as the DW-related traffic has been very slow anyway. I've also been depressed about my latest fanfic story, which not only didn't do very well, I've decided it didn't deserve to do very well after I read it over again. It just really didn't achieve what I wanted it to achieve, and I'm not sure if that's because it was too difficult a set-up to pull off, or if I just failed to pull it off well enough. I spotted the fundamental problem before posting, and I thought I'd managed to solve it, but now I think I was wrong. I also felt very "rusty" while writing it, which isn't a good sign. I think that in order to get better at fanfic writing again, I need to spend more time getting back into fanfic writing.

So, of course, last weekend we had a fic_rush round, and this weekend we had a fic_rush mini-round, and did I take advantage of it? No. Well, I spent time modding, and I can never write while I mod, but I also was around during hours when I wasn't modding, but I just didn't feel like writing. In fact, the mini-round is going on right now, and I've just given up because I don't feel like writing.

Part of me thinks I should force myself because if I don't write, I am unlikely to get back into the "swing" of writing. On the other hand, why force myself into doing something that is supposed to be a leisure activity, and hopefully a fun one at that?

Arrgh.

If my last fic had gone well, I think I'd be motivated to do it again, but since it didn't go well, I am feeling anti-motivated. Even though I know intellectually that if I can jump-start myself into writing more, I am likely to enjoy it again, and also likely to get over feeling "rusty" (which hopefully will make me more likely to write a good story).