dbskyler

Title: As Simple As That
Rating: G
Characters: Ten, Sarah Jane
Spoilers: Journey's End
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction, offered freely. Doctor Who and all characters belong to the BBC.
Summary: "You act like such a lonely man." A missing scene from "Journey’s End."

The Doctor disconnected the TARDIS from the rift and watched as the Earth resumed its natural orbit around its sun. The console room exploded with cheers and applause, which made him grin, and he quickly dived in to grab his share of the celebratory hugs that everyone seemed determined to give everyone else. He did like hugs in this regeneration. And it was fun to see all of his friends so happy. In fact, he had to admit that he was feeling pretty happy right now himself.

Well, he felt happy as long as he thought of all the good things rather than the bad things. There was Donna, who was a very good thing right now, a brilliant combination of human spirit and Time Lord knowledge. She was about to become a very bad thing -- dead. He would have to do something about that, but he wasn't sure what yet. There was only one solution he could see to the problem so far, and that would require him doing a bad thing himself. Fortunately there was still a little time before she would start feeling the effects of the metacrisis; he would keep thinking about it.

There was Rose, to whom he was going to be doing a good thing, except he was pretty sure she would see it as a bad thing. Hopefully she would come around eventually. Either way, he would never know. Which was both a good thing and a bad thing.

There was his other self, to whom he was going to be doing a good thing. After which there would be no chance of his ever running into his other self again. Which was also a good thing. He knew his other self felt the same way. He had never gotten along with himself particularly well.

Then there were his other friends -- Jack, Martha, Sarah Jane and Mickey. They would all be going home in just a little while, and after that they would be safely away from any possibility of him getting them into a situation where they might die. That was a good thing. Although he would miss them, was missing them already just thinking about it, and that was a bad thing. Still, he knew none of them would come traveling with him again. All of them had already turned him down the various last times he'd asked and he wasn't going to ask again. Wasn't, wasn't, wasn't.

He looked around the room, then brightened as he saw Jackie. She would be going home soon, too. Good thing.

So yes, the good things were outweighing the bad things, overall. And that was yet another good thing. He smiled as he looked around the room at his happy friends and concentrated on the good things and no, he was definitely not thinking about the bad things, not now, not at all. He wasn't thinking about the future, not thinking about what he was going to do to Donna or to Rose, and as for the past, he wasn't thinking about that either, wasn't thinking about Astrid, or River, or Jenny, or about any of the others who had given up their lives for him, no; he was just thinking about the present, just enjoying this moment that was happening right now, because it was a very good moment. It was. And so was this one, it was a great moment too. And this next one was pretty good, well it was good as long as he didn't let it get interrupted by thoughts of what Jack and Sarah had nearly done to the Crucible, or what Martha had nearly done to the Earth, or what Dalek Caan had said about one of his friends still dying which wasn't true and definitely didn't mean Donna, at least he really hoped it didn't except Donna was dying but she didn't know it yet but he could save her although he still couldn't think of a better solution to the metacrisis than erasing all her memories and that would be a horrible thing to do, no don't think about that yet. Then there was Davros, of all the people to be rescued from the Time War wouldn't it have to be Davros, and now Davros was burning or burnt and blown up because he had failed to save him yet again but what Davros had said about him wasn't true, wasn't true at all, not even a tiny bit true except for the little bit that perhaps was.

Yes, there was a whole list of things that he wasn't thinking about, and a very good job he was making of it, too.

He saw Sarah moving purposefully across the room towards him. Too purposefully. He avoided her gaze, laughed at whatever Jack had just said then made a feint in one direction and ducked quickly out into the corridor. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall, very pleased with his maneuverings until he heard a cough.

Hesitantly, he opened one eye, then the other. Sarah was standing there, her hands on her hips and a far-too-knowing look upon her face.

"Trying to avoid me, Doctor?" she asked. He wished her smile looked just a touch less triumphant.

"No, not at all, no," he lied. Well, not a complete lie, because not trying to avoid her, just trying to avoid what she would probably have to say. "How are you, Sarah?" he asked to divert her, except suddenly he realized that he really wanted to know.

"Doing pretty well, thanks," she answered, and her smile grew larger as if she knew what he was up to, which she probably did. "Just helped save the universe, so I'm having a good day. And how are you, Doctor?"

Exactly the subject he didn't want to talk about right now and "Fine, fine, I'm fine," he said, rocking back on his heels until he felt himself go thump against the wall. With only a slight loss of dignity (really very slight, not worth thinking about at all), he balanced forward again and stuck his hands into his pockets. "Well," he said, "I suppose we should go back in and rejoin everyone. " He gave her his biggest grin. "After you."

She grinned back at him and failed to move a single centimeter. Not surprising, really, she never let things go once she latched on to them did she and it was annoying and endearing and he looked at her, looked at his clever, marvelous Sarah Jane, Sarah Jane who had seen more of her share of Daleks and Davros in the past, Sarah Jane who had been tortured by Davros back on Skaro and nearly killed, in fact he thought she had been killed at one point bad thing, very very very bad thing until the moment he had seen her and realized he was wrong alive good thing one of the best moments of his life back then and still one of the best moments of his life, probably always would be.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out then, because he was.

Sarah's grin vanished, and she looked at him with sadness and understanding. "No, Doctor, I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I'm sorry I was forced to bring out the warp star and threaten to destroy the Crucible with it."

"Not your fault," he murmured automatically, although he wondered if perhaps it was her fault, just a little. No, she was human, and he couldn't blame her for seeing situations in a human way. She had been trying to help. He was the one who knew better, who should have found a way to change the circumstances. "Why were you on the Crucible, anyway?" he asked. "I thought you would have been safe at home with Luke. Did the Daleks trace the sub-wave network?"

"No, I gave myself up to them. Don't look like that," she added as his eyes widened in shock. "There was no other way to get to you."

"You shouldn't have done that," he told her and she shouldn't have, really shouldn't have. What if the Daleks had killed her? He thought of Davros, and the laughter of Dalek Caan.

She smiled at him sadly. "Of course I should have. How many times have you risked yourself for me? How many times have you risked yourself for us all? Don't you understand, Doctor?"

"Understand?" He didn't know what she meant, not at all.

She took a deep breath and looked at him. "You see yourself as humanity's protector, our last defender against the dark. But you know what, Doctor? You're wrong."

He didn't know what to say. He stood there, mute, and then he saw the corners of her mouth twitch as if she were trying not to laugh. "Sorry," she added, looking not in the least apologetic. "You may be a Time Lord, but you're not that special. You're not the only savior of the Earth, Doctor. Even if you are rather good at it." She smiled at him affectionately.

For a moment he almost smiled back.

"When the monsters attack, you can be there for us," she went on, "and you often are, and we owe you so much for that. But we're not your responsibility. It's not your duty to always save us, and you're not answerable for what we do to save ourselves. So stop taking on that guilt, Doctor, because you don't deserve it."

The skies of Gallifrey burned before his eyes. "Sarah," he whispered, "what Davros said about people dying in my name . . . it's true. I have so much blood on my hands -- you have no idea. People like Harriet Jones, who gave up her life for me . . ."

"Harriet Jones gave up her life for the Earth, not for you. Try again, Doctor."

He wasn't sure what his expression looked like, but it must have been good, because she was again struggling not to laugh.

Then she had pity on him, reaching out to take his hands in hers. She felt warm and human and alive, and he gripped her hands tightly. "Doctor," she said gently, "I'm sure you've had people die for you. I'm sure, because I would die for you myself. In a heartbeat," she added, forestalling his attempt to interrupt. "And I suspect the same is true of everyone in that room," and she nodded at the door behind them. "And do you know why?"

He stared at her, then gave a very slight shake of his head.

"It's not because you're a Time Lord, or Earth's protector, and it's certainly not because we're your weapons or any other such nonsense. It's because we're your friends, Doctor. It's as simple, as powerful as that. We're your friends. And if we'd do anything for you -- even die for you -- it's only because you would do the same for us, and we know it."

He stood there, transfixed, and she let go of one hand to softly stroke the hair back from his face, her expression warm and only slightly teasing. "So you'd better get used to it, Time Lord, because you're not out there all on your own. There are others in the universe who are willing to stand up for what's right, and yes, even sacrifice themselves if that's what it takes. If you've met more than your share of them then it's only because you're doing the same thing yourself, every day. But that doesn't make it your fault when something goes wrong. You're simply doing the best you can, just like the rest of us imperfect beings."

"So I'm imperfect, and wrong, and not very special?" he asked. "And this is your way of cheering me up, is it?"

And now she did laugh, just a little. "Well, I thought you needed someone to tell you, and I figured it might as well be me."

He smiled, and this time the smile stayed. "I knew I could count on you."

She looked up at him, her expression turning more serious. "You can always count on me, Doctor," she said. "And not just me; the same goes for all of us, everyone here. And it goes for the people who aren't here, those others back on Earth who know you – the Brigadier, and Harry, and John Benton, and Mike Yates, and -- oh, there are so many more, aren't there, Doctor? People you've helped, people you've traveled with and maybe even people you haven't even met yet but will in your future and they're down there right now, looking up and thinking of you. Remember that, okay?"

His smile got a little bigger. "The children of time?" he murmured.

"If you like," she said, and laughed again. "Personally, I think I'm too old now to be thought of as the child of anything."

"You're not old," he said, and she wasn't. She was so young, so brightly burning.

Her smile turned wicked. "I'm not old compared to you," she agreed. "But you're right, we are like a family. A large extended family, brought together by you," and she looked back towards the door to the console room. "For instance, I knew about Jack Harkness, but I never realized he had traveled with you. I may actually cooperate with Torchwood now, assuming he can leave the guns behind in Cardiff."

"Just watch out if you do," he said. "Jack's a good man, but he has a problem with personal space. He doesn't have any. But no," he said then, "on second thought, never mind. I think you're the one person I don't have to worry about when it comes to Captain Jack."

"What, because of my age?" she asked. "Jack's already flirted with me once, I'll have you know."

"Because you're Sarah Jane," he answered with a smile. "And as charming as Jack can be, you'd see through him in an instant. Because that's who you are. You're Sarah Jane, and you're brilliant. Have I told you that lately?" He drew her to him and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

"No," she said, hugging him back. "Tell me again."

"You're brilliant," he said, squeezing her tightly. "Absolutely, positively brilliant."

"Thank you," she said. "I think you're absolutely, positively brilliant, too."

He pulled back to look at her. "But I thought you said I was no one very special."

"You're not," she teased. "And that's why you're so brilliant."

He held her close again. "Would you really die for me?" he asked softly.

"What do you think?" she whispered.

"I think that if it came right down to it, you'd let me perish. Because you're a mother now, and you'd never leave Luke on his own."

"Ooooh!" she said, pulling out of his arms. "Not fair!" And she gave him a little slap on his chest.

He grinned, unrepentant. "I'm right; you know I am."

"Well . . ." she began as if she were considering.

He stopped her with a hand to her mouth. Quietly, he said, "Let's never put it to the test, okay?"

She went still, meeting his eyes. Then she gave a small nod. "Okay."

He smiled and took her hand, then he opened the door to the console room and looked at them, these marvelous humans who had banded together to save the Earth. He felt Sarah's hand in his and he looked at her too, his smile deepening. They would be gone soon, all of them, but she was right, they would always be his friends. And that was true even for Rose if she didn't forgive him, and even for Donna if she didn't remember him, because here they were right now, his friends, and this moment existed and would always exist, forever. It wouldn't help much when they were gone and he was missing them -- but it would help a little bit.

He gave a sigh. Putting it off wouldn't make it easier. Letting go of Sarah's hand, he strode forward to the console and set the coordinates for London.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

persiflage-1.livejournal.com

Oh yes! Well done Sarah Jane!

dree-drey.livejournal.com

Lovely and sweet. I really like the good-bad-good-bad stream of consciousness parts.

dbskyler.livejournal.com

Actually, those parts were really fun to write, too.

nam-jai.livejournal.com

"It's not because you're a Time Lord, or Earth's protector, and it's certainly not because we're your weapons or any other such nonsense. It's because we're your friends, Doctor. It's as simple, as powerful as that. We're your friends. And if we'd do anything for you -- even die for you -- it's only because you would do the same for us, and we know it."

That was just beautiful. The companions are really what makes Doctor Who for me, and your story, especially this bit, captures the essence of that wonderfully.

I also really enjoyed the way you portrayed the Doctor's mental process -- that manic denial seems very typical of Ten. Great job!

I'm really glad to hear this. I was a little nervous about posting in loves_them_all because I hadn't ever posted there before and because the fic only features Sarah, but I thought it was a fit because of the theme of the story and I'm happy that came across.

lady-moriel.livejournal.com

Awww, that's wonderful. I felt so sorry for the Doctor after JE because he seemed so horribly lonely--which I'm sure he was--and he and I both needed something like this fic to make it better. Going in my personal canon, definitely.