Fic: Turn Again (1/?)
Jan. 10th, 2009 01:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dbskylerTitle: Turn Again
Rating: PG
Characters: Sarah Jane, Ten, Maria, Luke, Clyde, Alan, the Brigadier, Harry, Capt. Magambo, Ross Jenkins, Rose
Spoilers: Turn Left (and the DW episodes referenced within it) and the first season of SJA
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction, offered freely. Doctor Who, Sarah Jane Adventures and all characters belong to the BBC.
Summary: Sarah Jane wakes to a world where the Doctor is dead. A missing story from "Turn Left."
Warnings: Should go without saying, but let's be clear: There's character death here, folks. Not my fault; go complain to RTD. But it's all just a canon AU, so don't worry.
A/N: While there’s angst, especially in the first chapter, this story will not be an angst-fest. Promise.
A doorbell at three in the morning was never good, Sarah thought, and that went double when there was a teenager in the house. On her way down the hall she stopped to check in on Luke, and she was very reassured to see him sitting up in his bed, obviously just woken himself by the sound of whoever it was at the door. Motioning him to stay in his room, Sarah closed his door again and made her way downstairs.
The doorbell had rung for the fourth time by the time Sarah opened the door. To her surprise, a young UNIT soldier was standing there, hand poised for a fifth ring. When he saw her he put his hand down again and stood fully at attention. "Miss Sarah Jane Smith?" he asked.
"Yes," she said. She felt relief and the small stirrings of excitement as she opened the door wider to invite him in. "I can't recall UNIT ever coming to see me before, and especially not in the middle of the night. What can I do for you?"
He disregarded the open door and stood unmoving on her threshold. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, ma'am," he said.
She stilled, her eyes searching his for clues. "What's happened?"
He looked gravely back at her and she went cold. Even as his expression told her otherwise, she tried to believe that it was just an emergency, that aliens were about to invade. That was something she could deal with.
"Ma'am, I regret to inform you there’s been an accident. A death. "
She dug her fingers into the doorframe, grateful that she knew for certain that Luke was safe upstairs. “Who?” She only hoped he wouldn't say Maria's name, or Clyde's.
“The Doctor."
She stared at him. It was literally the last name she had expected him to utter.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “And I’m even sorrier to have to ask, but . . . we need someone to identify the body. Sir Alastair thought you might be able to help.”
It was unreal. Everything was unreal. He was saying something else, but she couldn’t seem to concentrate. “What?” she asked. He spoke again, but she still couldn’t tell what he was saying. She clung to the doorframe and realized that the fingers of her other hand had curled in on each other to clench into a fist. She looked at it in wonder.
“Mum?” came a voice from behind her. She turned to see Luke standing there, a concerned expression on his face. "Are you all right?"
"I'm afraid a friend of your mother's has passed away," said the UNIT soldier. "Would you mind leaving us alone for a few minutes?"
"Is that what I should do, Mum?" asked Luke.
She nodded, then watched as her son went hesitantly back upstairs. By the time he was gone she felt more in control of herself. She turned to face the soldier again. "Tell me what happened."
"There was an alien. Some sort of giant spider. We don't know what she intended, but it wasn't good, and he stopped her. We think he may have saved the Earth. But in the process . . . " he hesitated.
Sarah met his gaze calmly. "Go on." She let her hand continue to dig into the doorframe, but she gave nothing else away. The wood was rough beneath her fingertips and she felt for the splinters, sought the pinpricks of physical pain.
"He released the Thames," the young soldier explained. "Drained the whole river to wash her out. Except something went wrong and he was washed out, too. It must have happened too quickly for him to get away."
Sarah closed her eyes against the image that thought evoked. "No," she said suddenly, defiantly. "I won't believe it. The Doctor isn't dead."
"I'm so sorry. If there’s anything I can do . . ."
She stepped back. "No, you don't understand. The Doctor can't be dead. He can't be!" Suddenly she thought of something. Eagerly, she said, "There's this process, you see, it's called regeneration, and . . . "
"I know. It's in the Doctor's files, and Sir Alastair just gave us another full briefing by phone. But the Doctor didn't regenerate. We don't know why not."
She swallowed, wrapping her arms around herself. Then she looked beyond him to the sky, trying to focus. "You said you needed me to identify the body. That means you don't know for sure. It might not be him!"
"It might not," he conceded. "But we think it is."
"Why?" she challenged. "What makes you so sure it's the Doctor?"
"Because he succeeded," said the man simply. "He stopped her and saved us all." Then he paused, and added, "And because we found something else. A blue police box. A battered blue police box that survived the flood."
"The TARDIS," Sarah whispered.
The man nodded.
She looked at him and saw the sympathy in his eyes. She looked away again. "Okay. Just give me a few minutes to deal with my son, and then I'll come with you."
She clutched herself a little more tightly, the fingernails sinking sharply into her skin, but the pain wasn't enough to distract her from the fear she felt inside.
* * *
Sarah sat silently as they drove. She could tell that the UNIT soldier –-Ross Jenkins -- was uncomfortable with the silence, but she didn't feel like making things easy for him. She was gripped with a desperate need to do something, but there was nothing for her to do. She was too late; whatever had happened, it was over and done with. She clung to the hope that this was all a dreadful mistake.
The feeling of unreality descended on her again. As if all of this was wrong somehow. She closed her eyes, trying to regain her sense of equilibrium.
"You worked with the Doctor, didn't you?" asked Jenkins suddenly. "Back in the old days, when he was UNIT's scientific advisor?"
"We were friends," said Sarah curtly, opening her eyes again. After a moment she added, "We still are."
"Of course," said Jenkins. "I'm sorry. It's just . . . he was such a legend. And I'd always hoped I'd get the chance to meet him someday."
"Maybe you will," said Sarah.
Jenkins was silent for awhile. Then he said, "I don't want to raise false hopes, Miss Smith. UNIT really does believe he's dead. But nothing would make me happier than to find out that we’re wrong. I just want you to know that. "
Sarah felt a little guilty. It wasn't his fault this was happening. Although even if this body they were taking her to see was in fact the Doctor’s, it was still perfectly possible for this man to meet the Doctor in the future -- Jenkins' future, and the Doctor's past. The thought should be ghoulish, but instead she found it comforting.
Even if the Doctor was dead, he might not be lost to her forever.
Even if he was dead . . .
She shook her head, fighting the wave of dizziness that threatened to come over her again. “What about the Brigadier – Sir Alastair, I mean?” she asked. “Is he going to be there, too?”
“He’s out of the country at the moment. He’s been in contact with us about the Doctor, but I don’t expect he’ll be able to come in person.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” said Sarah. If there were any situation guaranteed to get the Brigadier to come running, this was it. Even if there was nothing he could do other than say goodbye.
She shivered and went quiet again. She really hoped the Brigadier would be there. She didn’t want to have to do this by herself. She wondered if there was anyone else UNIT had contacted besides the two of them. Did Harry know? And what about that woman, what was her name, Jo Grant? She’d used to work for UNIT; had they told her? And what about all the other people who knew the Doctor? All those people who were his friends, scattered over the Earth – how could even UNIT manage to notify them all when only the Doctor knew who they were?
She wondered if Rose Tyler knew.
She let the silence grow and this time Jenkins left it undisturbed. Finally they pulled up to a UNIT building and Jenkins escorted her inside. He led her to a small waiting room, asked if he could get her anything and when she shook her head he said someone would be right in and left.
She sat in the room, alone. Soon she heard voices in the office next door, voices that spoke with the confident loudness of people who didn't realize they were being overheard.
"Who is she again?"
"I'm not sure. Some journalist."
"A journalist? I don't like that. Who authorized her to be here?"
"Sir Alastair Lethbridge-Stewart. She's not here as a journalist; apparently she knows the Doctor. She can identify the body for us, confirm if it's really him."
"Well, the Doctor's an alien, isn't he? Surely we don't need someone to come in and identify him! Cut the body open and take a look. Shouldn't be too hard."
Sarah leapt to her feet.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, sir. Lethbridge-Stewart said there was to be no autopsy. He said if anyone tried he would have their head, and I don't think he was joking. "
Sarah headed to the door that separated the waiting room from the voices.
"That's simply outrageous. Bloody bureaucrats messing about for hours when all we need is a little direct action. What does Lethbridge-Stewart think he's playing at, anyway? He's not even part of UNIT anymore! Thinks he can barge back in and give orders just because his pet alien was killed . . ."
Sarah flung the door open and the voice stopped abruptly. The one who had been speaking turned to confront her, but closed his mouth again when he saw the expression on her face. The other one, who had been standing closer to the door, took a careful step backwards and away.
"You're not to touch him," she said. Her voice was low but edged, and she was trembling with rage. "You will do exactly what the Brigadier says and you will leave the Doctor alone. Do you understand me?"
She looked at first one, then the other, and slowly they nodded their heads.
"Good," she said. "Now as UNIT has brought me here to see the Doctor, I think it's time someone took me to him, don't you?"
“I see you’re as intimidating as ever, old girl,” a familiar voice said from behind her. She whirled.
It was Harry.
“Oh,” she said, and then she couldn’t say anything else because she was so glad to see him.
He smiled, and although the smile was somewhat subdued it managed to communicate a warmth that was just for her. He opened his arms and she hugged him fiercely, not caring what the other two men thought. He ignored them too, his attention focused solely on her as he released her and took her hand. “Are you ready to do this?” he asked softly.
She looked at him, then nodded.
He led her gently away.
He didn’t bring her to a morgue. She was very grateful for that. He led her to an infirmary, then to a closed door within it. Outside the door a woman stood waiting, crisp and official and radiating authority. The woman saluted, and Harry saluted back. “Captain Magambo,” said Harry, “this is Sarah Jane Smith.”
“It’s an honor to finally meet you,” said Magambo. “I only wish we were meeting under better circumstances.”
“Yes,” said Sarah. She looked beyond Magambo to the closed door.
“He’s in there,” said Magambo. “Are you ready?”
"Yes," said Sarah again even though she wasn’t. But then again, she knew she couldn't ever be. Magambo opened the door.
It was a normal hospital room, lighted normally and being kept at a normal temperature. Hospital-type equipment was present but none of it was being used. On the bed in the center a figure lay under a sheet, covered. From the doorway Sarah could tell little except that the figure was tall and thin, like the Doctor when she had last met him. She stood there, and suddenly she didn’t think she could move.
“Sarah,” said Harry. She didn’t turn her head to look at him, but she could tell he was right beside her. “Sarah, it’s all right. Take as long as you need.”
"It's him, isn't it?" Her eyes remained fixed upon the covered figure.
"That's what we want you to tell us," said Magambo.
Sarah glanced at her, then shifted her gaze to Harry.
The look in his eyes nearly broke her.
She had to do this. She had to do this for the Doctor. Moving forward, she stepped up to the bed. She hesitated, then took the sheet and folded it back.
She hadn't realized how much hope she had clung to until the moment it was gone. A sob came out of her, deep and painful, and then another. Then the sheet was back in position, and she didn't know how that had happened but Harry's arms were around her and she cried uncontrollably into his chest. She wondered if Magambo thought less of her for it, but she couldn't help herself.
And besides, she realized, Harry was crying, too.
* * *
Later she sat in Magambo’s office, sipping at some tea. She raised a tear-streaked face to Harry, the only other occupant of the room. “Why didn’t he regenerate?”
Harry gave a heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Sarah. UNIT called me in as the closest thing they had to a regeneration expert, but just because I treated the Doctor after he did it that one time doesn't mean I understand it. I did what I could for him. Got the water out of his lungs, gave him oxygen, CPR . . . electric shock to both his hearts. But there wasn’t any response." His expression turned rueful. "Considering how long it had been before I got to him, I can't say I was surprised. But I knew I had to try. And I did try, Sarah. The medical team here must have thought me mad, because I tried everything I could think of."
"I'm sure you did everything possible," said Sarah with all the reassurance she could muster. But she wondered if it was her reassurance he was seeking, or the Doctor's.
“In the end, I had to give up. They wanted to take him to the morgue, but the Brigadier ordered him kept in a warm room with someone on the monitor at all times. As far as we know, if regeneration is going to happen then it happens immediately, but we thought . . . just in case . . .” Harry trailed off.
“But it’s not going to happen, is it?” asked Sarah softly.
“No,” said Harry. “No, it's not.”
Sarah took another sip of tea. The taste of it was flat against her tongue, and it left a bitter residue. She wondered if tea would ever taste right again.
“They’re in here, sir,” said a voice from the doorway, and she looked up to see Jenkins and Magambo. When she saw who was with them, she rose to her feet.
The Brigadier seemed older than the last time she had seen him, and while his eyes were clear there was an ashen look to his face. But he smiled when he saw her, and after greeting Harry he turned to her and gave her a tight hug. “Thank you for coming,” he said. “I’m glad you were able to make the identification. At least now we know for certain it was him.”
“Was there ever any real doubt?” asked Magambo. “After all, the x-rays showed two circulatory systems.”
The Brigadier turned and gave her a withering look. “If you wish to confirm the importance of my bringing in Miss Smith, I suggest you go look up my files on the Master. I think you’ll find they make interesting reading.”
“Of course. I didn’t mean to imply . . . “ Magambo paused, then stood further at attention. “Yes, sir.”
"No, it was definitely the Doctor," said Sarah. She closed her eyes, remembering the last time she had seen him -- standing in a park in the bright sunlight, his smile lighting up his face. Suddenly the dizziness returned, and she would have swayed except the Brigadier caught hold of her arms and steadied her.
"Sarah Jane?" he said worriedly.
"I'm all right," she reassured him. Then she gave a bitter laugh. "Only that's not true, because none of us are all right, are we?"
"No," said Harry. "I don't suppose we are."
The Brigadier let her sit back down, then settled himself into a chair of his own. "The Doctor was so . . . alive," he said. "When I think of all the monsters he faced down, and the number of times he cheated death . . . I just never thought this day would come. I certainly never thought that I would ever live to see it."
"I don't think any of us did," said Sarah. But she had always known that the Doctor was mortal. How many times had she been afraid that he was dead, only to be proven wrong?
If only she could be proven wrong this time.
There was a silence. Eventually Harry asked, “So what happens now?”
“We go on,” said the Brigadier. He spoke strongly and with conviction. “We honor the Doctor for what he taught us, and we use that knowledge to defend the Earth. It's what he would want us to do.”
“They’re bringing his TARDIS in soon,” interjected Magambo. “I’ll make sure it’s kept safe and under your jurisdiction. No unauthorized personnel will touch it, I promise.”
“Thank you,” said the Brigadier.
Magambo nodded, then said, "I'm also getting asked about moving the body." The Brigadier looked sharply at her and she gently added, "I can continue to hold them off for now. . . but eventually we are going to have to move him."
The Brigadier sighed. "I know. Just give it a little longer, all right? I'd like the chance to sit with him, if I may."
"Of course," said Magambo. "I don't think anyone would begrudge you that."
Harry stood. "I'll take you to him, if you'd like."
"I'd appreciate that," said the Brigadier. "Jenkins, could you drive Miss Smith back home?"
"Of course, sir," said Jenkins. He moved to the door and stood by it, waiting.
Sarah hesitated. She did want to go home; in fact, she wanted to wrap Luke in a hug and never let him go again. But she also didn’t want to leave. "You'll call me if there's news?"
"You have my word on it," said the Brigadier.
"I'll call you even if there isn't news," said Harry, and she let him give her a kiss on her cheek.
Jenkins drove her home, and this time neither of them tried to talk.
* * *
She opened her front door quietly, trying not to wake Luke again. The sun had risen, but it was still very early on a Sunday morning. She was surprised to find him up and dressed and waiting for her. Along with Maria, and Alan, and Clyde.
“Luke told us,” Alan said by way of explanation.
“Was . . . was it him?” asked Maria. “The Doctor?”
She nodded and the teenagers swarmed her, enveloping her in a three-cornered hug. Then Alan joined in, completing the circle, and as she stood surrounded by them she felt so very grateful to have them in her life.
“Sit down,” said Alan after they broke apart. “You’ve been up for hours and some breakfast will do you good. What can I make for you? If you don’t have it in your kitchen, I probably have it in mine, and even if I don’t I can always run to the shop. So sky’s the limit; what’ll you have?”
“I’m really not hungry,” said Sarah. He looked back at her skeptically, and she sighed. “Toast, then, if you must. With coffee, if there is any.”
“We have coffee,” said Maria. “Shall I bring it over, Dad?”
“Thanks, sweetheart,” said Alan. “And bring our coffee maker, too. I wouldn’t know how to use that antique Sarah Jane has in her kitchen.”
“Yeah, with all that alien technology in the attic you’d think her electronics would be more up-to-date,” put in Clyde. “I brought a DVD for Luke the other day, but we couldn’t find a way to play it in surround sound. And sci-fi movies are no good without the surround sound.”
“I still think we could have found a way to do it if you’d let me take the stereo apart,” said Luke. “It’s just a case of modulating the frequencies to simulate a theater effect.”
“Luke, you almost took the stereo apart?” asked Sarah.
"Well, until Clyde told me not to." Luke looked at her innocently. "Why?"
Sarah shook her head. "Never mind."
"Oh, that was nothing," grinned Clyde. "Sarah Jane, you have no idea how much you owe me."
Sarah smiled, grateful for the normalcy and wondering how Clyde had known that normalcy was exactly what she needed right now. Then Alan came back with toast that he made her eat, and Maria returned clutching a coffee maker and a bag that turned out to contain not only coffee but also eggs and bacon. Soon Alan was frying up a breakfast for them all, and Sarah allowed herself to be persuaded to partake in the whole thing. Afterwards she sat on the couch with Maria on one side, Luke on the other and Clyde as DVD disc jockey, watching a marathon of silly, escapist movies.
When Harry eventually called she was able to tell him truthfully that she didn't need him to come over. She knew he'd been up the entire night, so she told him to get some rest and made plans to see him the following day. She was feeling tired herself, and she found herself falling asleep halfway through the next movie. When she awoke she was alone, stretched out on the couch with a blanket over her and a pillow under her head. There was a note from Luke saying they had all gone to Maria's for dinner, a note from Alan inviting her to come over when she woke up, a note from Clyde asking her to call if she needed anything and a note from Maria asking her to please come over for dinner so she wouldn't be stuck with her father and the boys all night.
Sarah put the notes back down in a careful pile. She appreciated the sentiments, but she preferred to be alone for awhile. Perhaps she would go over a little later, but right now there was something else she wanted to do.
Slowly she made her way up to the attic. She paused at the portal that led to K-9, but she couldn't face telling him yet. Instead she pulled out everything she could find that was in any way connected to the Doctor: The small pile of alien souvenirs she had acquired in her travels and taken with her when she left the TARDIS. Various clippings and random references to him that she had collected over the years, gleaned from a multitude of sources that went back for centuries. Her old UNIT pass. The sonic lipstick and the alien-detecting watch that he had given her. A picture of herself and the Doctor in his latest -- no, last -- incarnation, obtained with Mr. Smith's help from a CCTV camera.
She ran her fingers over the picture, fighting back the tears. She still couldn't believe that he was gone. Suddenly she felt dizzy again, worse than before, and as she reached for support she ended up knocking over an entire shelf's worth of artifacts. She slumped to the floor and waited for the dizzy spell to pass. When it finally did, she looked at the mess in front of her.
Her eyes were drawn immediately to one particular artifact that had fallen slightly apart from the rest -- a square puzzle box, given to her by a Verron Soothsayer, which had turned out to protect its holder from the Trickster's alterations to time.
And it was glowing.
---------
tbc . . .
(Chapter Two here)
Rating: PG
Characters: Sarah Jane, Ten, Maria, Luke, Clyde, Alan, the Brigadier, Harry, Capt. Magambo, Ross Jenkins, Rose
Spoilers: Turn Left (and the DW episodes referenced within it) and the first season of SJA
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction, offered freely. Doctor Who, Sarah Jane Adventures and all characters belong to the BBC.
Summary: Sarah Jane wakes to a world where the Doctor is dead. A missing story from "Turn Left."
Warnings: Should go without saying, but let's be clear: There's character death here, folks. Not my fault; go complain to RTD. But it's all just a canon AU, so don't worry.
A/N: While there’s angst, especially in the first chapter, this story will not be an angst-fest. Promise.
A doorbell at three in the morning was never good, Sarah thought, and that went double when there was a teenager in the house. On her way down the hall she stopped to check in on Luke, and she was very reassured to see him sitting up in his bed, obviously just woken himself by the sound of whoever it was at the door. Motioning him to stay in his room, Sarah closed his door again and made her way downstairs.
The doorbell had rung for the fourth time by the time Sarah opened the door. To her surprise, a young UNIT soldier was standing there, hand poised for a fifth ring. When he saw her he put his hand down again and stood fully at attention. "Miss Sarah Jane Smith?" he asked.
"Yes," she said. She felt relief and the small stirrings of excitement as she opened the door wider to invite him in. "I can't recall UNIT ever coming to see me before, and especially not in the middle of the night. What can I do for you?"
He disregarded the open door and stood unmoving on her threshold. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, ma'am," he said.
She stilled, her eyes searching his for clues. "What's happened?"
He looked gravely back at her and she went cold. Even as his expression told her otherwise, she tried to believe that it was just an emergency, that aliens were about to invade. That was something she could deal with.
"Ma'am, I regret to inform you there’s been an accident. A death. "
She dug her fingers into the doorframe, grateful that she knew for certain that Luke was safe upstairs. “Who?” She only hoped he wouldn't say Maria's name, or Clyde's.
“The Doctor."
She stared at him. It was literally the last name she had expected him to utter.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “And I’m even sorrier to have to ask, but . . . we need someone to identify the body. Sir Alastair thought you might be able to help.”
It was unreal. Everything was unreal. He was saying something else, but she couldn’t seem to concentrate. “What?” she asked. He spoke again, but she still couldn’t tell what he was saying. She clung to the doorframe and realized that the fingers of her other hand had curled in on each other to clench into a fist. She looked at it in wonder.
“Mum?” came a voice from behind her. She turned to see Luke standing there, a concerned expression on his face. "Are you all right?"
"I'm afraid a friend of your mother's has passed away," said the UNIT soldier. "Would you mind leaving us alone for a few minutes?"
"Is that what I should do, Mum?" asked Luke.
She nodded, then watched as her son went hesitantly back upstairs. By the time he was gone she felt more in control of herself. She turned to face the soldier again. "Tell me what happened."
"There was an alien. Some sort of giant spider. We don't know what she intended, but it wasn't good, and he stopped her. We think he may have saved the Earth. But in the process . . . " he hesitated.
Sarah met his gaze calmly. "Go on." She let her hand continue to dig into the doorframe, but she gave nothing else away. The wood was rough beneath her fingertips and she felt for the splinters, sought the pinpricks of physical pain.
"He released the Thames," the young soldier explained. "Drained the whole river to wash her out. Except something went wrong and he was washed out, too. It must have happened too quickly for him to get away."
Sarah closed her eyes against the image that thought evoked. "No," she said suddenly, defiantly. "I won't believe it. The Doctor isn't dead."
"I'm so sorry. If there’s anything I can do . . ."
She stepped back. "No, you don't understand. The Doctor can't be dead. He can't be!" Suddenly she thought of something. Eagerly, she said, "There's this process, you see, it's called regeneration, and . . . "
"I know. It's in the Doctor's files, and Sir Alastair just gave us another full briefing by phone. But the Doctor didn't regenerate. We don't know why not."
She swallowed, wrapping her arms around herself. Then she looked beyond him to the sky, trying to focus. "You said you needed me to identify the body. That means you don't know for sure. It might not be him!"
"It might not," he conceded. "But we think it is."
"Why?" she challenged. "What makes you so sure it's the Doctor?"
"Because he succeeded," said the man simply. "He stopped her and saved us all." Then he paused, and added, "And because we found something else. A blue police box. A battered blue police box that survived the flood."
"The TARDIS," Sarah whispered.
The man nodded.
She looked at him and saw the sympathy in his eyes. She looked away again. "Okay. Just give me a few minutes to deal with my son, and then I'll come with you."
She clutched herself a little more tightly, the fingernails sinking sharply into her skin, but the pain wasn't enough to distract her from the fear she felt inside.
* * *
Sarah sat silently as they drove. She could tell that the UNIT soldier –-Ross Jenkins -- was uncomfortable with the silence, but she didn't feel like making things easy for him. She was gripped with a desperate need to do something, but there was nothing for her to do. She was too late; whatever had happened, it was over and done with. She clung to the hope that this was all a dreadful mistake.
The feeling of unreality descended on her again. As if all of this was wrong somehow. She closed her eyes, trying to regain her sense of equilibrium.
"You worked with the Doctor, didn't you?" asked Jenkins suddenly. "Back in the old days, when he was UNIT's scientific advisor?"
"We were friends," said Sarah curtly, opening her eyes again. After a moment she added, "We still are."
"Of course," said Jenkins. "I'm sorry. It's just . . . he was such a legend. And I'd always hoped I'd get the chance to meet him someday."
"Maybe you will," said Sarah.
Jenkins was silent for awhile. Then he said, "I don't want to raise false hopes, Miss Smith. UNIT really does believe he's dead. But nothing would make me happier than to find out that we’re wrong. I just want you to know that. "
Sarah felt a little guilty. It wasn't his fault this was happening. Although even if this body they were taking her to see was in fact the Doctor’s, it was still perfectly possible for this man to meet the Doctor in the future -- Jenkins' future, and the Doctor's past. The thought should be ghoulish, but instead she found it comforting.
Even if the Doctor was dead, he might not be lost to her forever.
Even if he was dead . . .
She shook her head, fighting the wave of dizziness that threatened to come over her again. “What about the Brigadier – Sir Alastair, I mean?” she asked. “Is he going to be there, too?”
“He’s out of the country at the moment. He’s been in contact with us about the Doctor, but I don’t expect he’ll be able to come in person.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” said Sarah. If there were any situation guaranteed to get the Brigadier to come running, this was it. Even if there was nothing he could do other than say goodbye.
She shivered and went quiet again. She really hoped the Brigadier would be there. She didn’t want to have to do this by herself. She wondered if there was anyone else UNIT had contacted besides the two of them. Did Harry know? And what about that woman, what was her name, Jo Grant? She’d used to work for UNIT; had they told her? And what about all the other people who knew the Doctor? All those people who were his friends, scattered over the Earth – how could even UNIT manage to notify them all when only the Doctor knew who they were?
She wondered if Rose Tyler knew.
She let the silence grow and this time Jenkins left it undisturbed. Finally they pulled up to a UNIT building and Jenkins escorted her inside. He led her to a small waiting room, asked if he could get her anything and when she shook her head he said someone would be right in and left.
She sat in the room, alone. Soon she heard voices in the office next door, voices that spoke with the confident loudness of people who didn't realize they were being overheard.
"Who is she again?"
"I'm not sure. Some journalist."
"A journalist? I don't like that. Who authorized her to be here?"
"Sir Alastair Lethbridge-Stewart. She's not here as a journalist; apparently she knows the Doctor. She can identify the body for us, confirm if it's really him."
"Well, the Doctor's an alien, isn't he? Surely we don't need someone to come in and identify him! Cut the body open and take a look. Shouldn't be too hard."
Sarah leapt to her feet.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, sir. Lethbridge-Stewart said there was to be no autopsy. He said if anyone tried he would have their head, and I don't think he was joking. "
Sarah headed to the door that separated the waiting room from the voices.
"That's simply outrageous. Bloody bureaucrats messing about for hours when all we need is a little direct action. What does Lethbridge-Stewart think he's playing at, anyway? He's not even part of UNIT anymore! Thinks he can barge back in and give orders just because his pet alien was killed . . ."
Sarah flung the door open and the voice stopped abruptly. The one who had been speaking turned to confront her, but closed his mouth again when he saw the expression on her face. The other one, who had been standing closer to the door, took a careful step backwards and away.
"You're not to touch him," she said. Her voice was low but edged, and she was trembling with rage. "You will do exactly what the Brigadier says and you will leave the Doctor alone. Do you understand me?"
She looked at first one, then the other, and slowly they nodded their heads.
"Good," she said. "Now as UNIT has brought me here to see the Doctor, I think it's time someone took me to him, don't you?"
“I see you’re as intimidating as ever, old girl,” a familiar voice said from behind her. She whirled.
It was Harry.
“Oh,” she said, and then she couldn’t say anything else because she was so glad to see him.
He smiled, and although the smile was somewhat subdued it managed to communicate a warmth that was just for her. He opened his arms and she hugged him fiercely, not caring what the other two men thought. He ignored them too, his attention focused solely on her as he released her and took her hand. “Are you ready to do this?” he asked softly.
She looked at him, then nodded.
He led her gently away.
He didn’t bring her to a morgue. She was very grateful for that. He led her to an infirmary, then to a closed door within it. Outside the door a woman stood waiting, crisp and official and radiating authority. The woman saluted, and Harry saluted back. “Captain Magambo,” said Harry, “this is Sarah Jane Smith.”
“It’s an honor to finally meet you,” said Magambo. “I only wish we were meeting under better circumstances.”
“Yes,” said Sarah. She looked beyond Magambo to the closed door.
“He’s in there,” said Magambo. “Are you ready?”
"Yes," said Sarah again even though she wasn’t. But then again, she knew she couldn't ever be. Magambo opened the door.
It was a normal hospital room, lighted normally and being kept at a normal temperature. Hospital-type equipment was present but none of it was being used. On the bed in the center a figure lay under a sheet, covered. From the doorway Sarah could tell little except that the figure was tall and thin, like the Doctor when she had last met him. She stood there, and suddenly she didn’t think she could move.
“Sarah,” said Harry. She didn’t turn her head to look at him, but she could tell he was right beside her. “Sarah, it’s all right. Take as long as you need.”
"It's him, isn't it?" Her eyes remained fixed upon the covered figure.
"That's what we want you to tell us," said Magambo.
Sarah glanced at her, then shifted her gaze to Harry.
The look in his eyes nearly broke her.
She had to do this. She had to do this for the Doctor. Moving forward, she stepped up to the bed. She hesitated, then took the sheet and folded it back.
She hadn't realized how much hope she had clung to until the moment it was gone. A sob came out of her, deep and painful, and then another. Then the sheet was back in position, and she didn't know how that had happened but Harry's arms were around her and she cried uncontrollably into his chest. She wondered if Magambo thought less of her for it, but she couldn't help herself.
And besides, she realized, Harry was crying, too.
* * *
Later she sat in Magambo’s office, sipping at some tea. She raised a tear-streaked face to Harry, the only other occupant of the room. “Why didn’t he regenerate?”
Harry gave a heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Sarah. UNIT called me in as the closest thing they had to a regeneration expert, but just because I treated the Doctor after he did it that one time doesn't mean I understand it. I did what I could for him. Got the water out of his lungs, gave him oxygen, CPR . . . electric shock to both his hearts. But there wasn’t any response." His expression turned rueful. "Considering how long it had been before I got to him, I can't say I was surprised. But I knew I had to try. And I did try, Sarah. The medical team here must have thought me mad, because I tried everything I could think of."
"I'm sure you did everything possible," said Sarah with all the reassurance she could muster. But she wondered if it was her reassurance he was seeking, or the Doctor's.
“In the end, I had to give up. They wanted to take him to the morgue, but the Brigadier ordered him kept in a warm room with someone on the monitor at all times. As far as we know, if regeneration is going to happen then it happens immediately, but we thought . . . just in case . . .” Harry trailed off.
“But it’s not going to happen, is it?” asked Sarah softly.
“No,” said Harry. “No, it's not.”
Sarah took another sip of tea. The taste of it was flat against her tongue, and it left a bitter residue. She wondered if tea would ever taste right again.
“They’re in here, sir,” said a voice from the doorway, and she looked up to see Jenkins and Magambo. When she saw who was with them, she rose to her feet.
The Brigadier seemed older than the last time she had seen him, and while his eyes were clear there was an ashen look to his face. But he smiled when he saw her, and after greeting Harry he turned to her and gave her a tight hug. “Thank you for coming,” he said. “I’m glad you were able to make the identification. At least now we know for certain it was him.”
“Was there ever any real doubt?” asked Magambo. “After all, the x-rays showed two circulatory systems.”
The Brigadier turned and gave her a withering look. “If you wish to confirm the importance of my bringing in Miss Smith, I suggest you go look up my files on the Master. I think you’ll find they make interesting reading.”
“Of course. I didn’t mean to imply . . . “ Magambo paused, then stood further at attention. “Yes, sir.”
"No, it was definitely the Doctor," said Sarah. She closed her eyes, remembering the last time she had seen him -- standing in a park in the bright sunlight, his smile lighting up his face. Suddenly the dizziness returned, and she would have swayed except the Brigadier caught hold of her arms and steadied her.
"Sarah Jane?" he said worriedly.
"I'm all right," she reassured him. Then she gave a bitter laugh. "Only that's not true, because none of us are all right, are we?"
"No," said Harry. "I don't suppose we are."
The Brigadier let her sit back down, then settled himself into a chair of his own. "The Doctor was so . . . alive," he said. "When I think of all the monsters he faced down, and the number of times he cheated death . . . I just never thought this day would come. I certainly never thought that I would ever live to see it."
"I don't think any of us did," said Sarah. But she had always known that the Doctor was mortal. How many times had she been afraid that he was dead, only to be proven wrong?
If only she could be proven wrong this time.
There was a silence. Eventually Harry asked, “So what happens now?”
“We go on,” said the Brigadier. He spoke strongly and with conviction. “We honor the Doctor for what he taught us, and we use that knowledge to defend the Earth. It's what he would want us to do.”
“They’re bringing his TARDIS in soon,” interjected Magambo. “I’ll make sure it’s kept safe and under your jurisdiction. No unauthorized personnel will touch it, I promise.”
“Thank you,” said the Brigadier.
Magambo nodded, then said, "I'm also getting asked about moving the body." The Brigadier looked sharply at her and she gently added, "I can continue to hold them off for now. . . but eventually we are going to have to move him."
The Brigadier sighed. "I know. Just give it a little longer, all right? I'd like the chance to sit with him, if I may."
"Of course," said Magambo. "I don't think anyone would begrudge you that."
Harry stood. "I'll take you to him, if you'd like."
"I'd appreciate that," said the Brigadier. "Jenkins, could you drive Miss Smith back home?"
"Of course, sir," said Jenkins. He moved to the door and stood by it, waiting.
Sarah hesitated. She did want to go home; in fact, she wanted to wrap Luke in a hug and never let him go again. But she also didn’t want to leave. "You'll call me if there's news?"
"You have my word on it," said the Brigadier.
"I'll call you even if there isn't news," said Harry, and she let him give her a kiss on her cheek.
Jenkins drove her home, and this time neither of them tried to talk.
* * *
She opened her front door quietly, trying not to wake Luke again. The sun had risen, but it was still very early on a Sunday morning. She was surprised to find him up and dressed and waiting for her. Along with Maria, and Alan, and Clyde.
“Luke told us,” Alan said by way of explanation.
“Was . . . was it him?” asked Maria. “The Doctor?”
She nodded and the teenagers swarmed her, enveloping her in a three-cornered hug. Then Alan joined in, completing the circle, and as she stood surrounded by them she felt so very grateful to have them in her life.
“Sit down,” said Alan after they broke apart. “You’ve been up for hours and some breakfast will do you good. What can I make for you? If you don’t have it in your kitchen, I probably have it in mine, and even if I don’t I can always run to the shop. So sky’s the limit; what’ll you have?”
“I’m really not hungry,” said Sarah. He looked back at her skeptically, and she sighed. “Toast, then, if you must. With coffee, if there is any.”
“We have coffee,” said Maria. “Shall I bring it over, Dad?”
“Thanks, sweetheart,” said Alan. “And bring our coffee maker, too. I wouldn’t know how to use that antique Sarah Jane has in her kitchen.”
“Yeah, with all that alien technology in the attic you’d think her electronics would be more up-to-date,” put in Clyde. “I brought a DVD for Luke the other day, but we couldn’t find a way to play it in surround sound. And sci-fi movies are no good without the surround sound.”
“I still think we could have found a way to do it if you’d let me take the stereo apart,” said Luke. “It’s just a case of modulating the frequencies to simulate a theater effect.”
“Luke, you almost took the stereo apart?” asked Sarah.
"Well, until Clyde told me not to." Luke looked at her innocently. "Why?"
Sarah shook her head. "Never mind."
"Oh, that was nothing," grinned Clyde. "Sarah Jane, you have no idea how much you owe me."
Sarah smiled, grateful for the normalcy and wondering how Clyde had known that normalcy was exactly what she needed right now. Then Alan came back with toast that he made her eat, and Maria returned clutching a coffee maker and a bag that turned out to contain not only coffee but also eggs and bacon. Soon Alan was frying up a breakfast for them all, and Sarah allowed herself to be persuaded to partake in the whole thing. Afterwards she sat on the couch with Maria on one side, Luke on the other and Clyde as DVD disc jockey, watching a marathon of silly, escapist movies.
When Harry eventually called she was able to tell him truthfully that she didn't need him to come over. She knew he'd been up the entire night, so she told him to get some rest and made plans to see him the following day. She was feeling tired herself, and she found herself falling asleep halfway through the next movie. When she awoke she was alone, stretched out on the couch with a blanket over her and a pillow under her head. There was a note from Luke saying they had all gone to Maria's for dinner, a note from Alan inviting her to come over when she woke up, a note from Clyde asking her to call if she needed anything and a note from Maria asking her to please come over for dinner so she wouldn't be stuck with her father and the boys all night.
Sarah put the notes back down in a careful pile. She appreciated the sentiments, but she preferred to be alone for awhile. Perhaps she would go over a little later, but right now there was something else she wanted to do.
Slowly she made her way up to the attic. She paused at the portal that led to K-9, but she couldn't face telling him yet. Instead she pulled out everything she could find that was in any way connected to the Doctor: The small pile of alien souvenirs she had acquired in her travels and taken with her when she left the TARDIS. Various clippings and random references to him that she had collected over the years, gleaned from a multitude of sources that went back for centuries. Her old UNIT pass. The sonic lipstick and the alien-detecting watch that he had given her. A picture of herself and the Doctor in his latest -- no, last -- incarnation, obtained with Mr. Smith's help from a CCTV camera.
She ran her fingers over the picture, fighting back the tears. She still couldn't believe that he was gone. Suddenly she felt dizzy again, worse than before, and as she reached for support she ended up knocking over an entire shelf's worth of artifacts. She slumped to the floor and waited for the dizzy spell to pass. When it finally did, she looked at the mess in front of her.
Her eyes were drawn immediately to one particular artifact that had fallen slightly apart from the rest -- a square puzzle box, given to her by a Verron Soothsayer, which had turned out to protect its holder from the Trickster's alterations to time.
And it was glowing.
---------
tbc . . .
(Chapter Two here)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-10 09:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-10 10:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-10 10:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 03:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-10 11:00 pm (UTC)Also, Ross! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-10 11:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 12:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 03:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 01:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 03:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 03:26 am (UTC)New Who keeps creating these alternate sets of events full of amazing possibilities and then glossing over the details. I love what you're doing with this one so far - it rings so true, to the characters and the organizations and the whole world. And given the circumstances, the angst definitely isn't overdone!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 07:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 06:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 07:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 07:37 pm (UTC)(I've got to confess, I've been contemplating a Turn Leftish fic of my own ever since the ep aired - but it's having the nerve to write the thing knowing characters are going to die...)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 09:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 09:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 03:56 pm (UTC)(pun NOT intended)
Looking forward to the next bit!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-11 08:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-12 01:29 am (UTC)I keep waiting for them to go into the TARDIS and keep her company.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-12 01:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-16 05:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-11 06:24 pm (UTC)*runs off to read more*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-14 02:17 am (UTC)