first draft: On the Benefits of Having an Attic

[dbskyler]

I'm slowly working my way out of my writing slump, and I've decided that one way to get back into writing is to talk about writing. And so, to that end, I am hereby resurrecting my "first draft" posts!

For those of you unfamiliar with them (or who don't remember them -- and no wonder, as it's been almost two years since my last one), "first draft" posts are where I post the first draft of one of my fics and talk about the changes I made, and why I made them.

Up today: the first draft of "On the Benefits of Having an Attic." The finished version of the fic is here: http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?sid=35964



I do keep and occasionally revisit my first drafts (well, obviously, or I couldn't do these kinds of posts), but this one was especially interesting to reread because I honestly didn't remember what I had changed. As it turns out, while the finished fic is in diary format, the first draft is written in my standard third person past tense. Reading through it now, I see that the sequence of events and even most of the jokes are pretty much identical between the original and finished versions. However, the diary format has an immediacy to it that makes the jokes funnier. At least, I hope it does; that was my intention in making the change, anyway.

By the way, I also found some notes I made to myself while writing this, which include things like:
-- something about he sends all this stuff but still doesn't bother to come back for her
-- something about the sonic lipstick and the watch -- does she steal it from the TARDIS? Is it the only stuff she ends up keeping, sending the rest back? Is it start of round 2 after school reunion? How do I end this, anyway?
-- Okay, maybe do this as crack fic. Starts out with her getting K-9, and then the Doctor starts dumping off all sorts of things at Sarah's.

So yeah, that was how my thinking about the fic evolved.




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On the Benefits of Having an Attic (first draft)

First there was the mysterious crate left for her at the old house in South Croydon. When she opened it, she found that the Doctor had sent her a robot dog.

K-9 didn't bark, but he would quiz intruders with "Mastermind" questions, which was good enough for scaring them away. She could take him for walks as long as it wasn't raining or too muddy, or they didn't walk too quickly, or go around too many corners (he had difficulty with corners). He didn't dig holes or chew leather like other dogs, but that was a good thing overall, and as a bonus he was easy to keep off the couch, especially after the rocking chair incident. He wasn't much of a dog, to be honest, but K-9 assured her that he was very good at shooting aliens and stopping up black holes, and Sarah was sure he would come in handy the next time an alien or a black hole showed up in the back garden, which could be any day now, really. So on the whole she appreciated having K-9 around, and he was a gift, and it's the thought that counts, after all. The only problem with K-9, as she eventually learned, was that now the Doctor always knew how to find her.

She first figured this out on the evening of what would have been their next anniversary. Coming home to an empty house ("St. Magnus Cathedral," she answered before K-9 recognized her), she almost tripped over the box that had been left on her doorstep. Opening it up, she found it was full of old books. Which was really quite annoying, because when she'd left the TARDIS she'd taken everything she wanted to keep, and besides, if he was going to return her books then he had no right to hang on to her Agatha Christie novels. She went through the box again but no, they were missing, even the romance ones (she'd always known that the Doctor had been secretly reading them even though he'd denied it).

Then on her next birthday, it was a box of record albums left on the seat of her car. What was she supposed to do with a box of old record albums? Anyway, that Bay City Rollers one had been his, not hers.

Next it was a souvenir mug she had bought once on Betelgeuse, some stray photographs and her pink sailor suit that she really hadn't needed to be reminded about. After that, the Doctor seemed to be trying to make things up to her, because instead of old possessions he started sending her new gifts, knick-knacks from various worlds and a whole collection of stuffed animals: a stuffed dinosaur, a stuffed spider, a stuffed adipose and a stuffed Loch Ness Monster. She had to admit, the last did look nice on the shelf next to her stuffed owl.

However, she realized that things were getting out of hand when he began leaving her larger and more random items: a Sontaran helmet, a Dalek eyestalk and a (fortunately non-working) Cybermat. Honestly, where was she supposed to put all this stuff? He couldn't be bothered to come back for her, but he seemed to regard her as his own personal dumping ground for alien artifacts. Pressed for space, she stuck the Cybermat out front and passed it off as a garden ornament until the neighbor's cat tried to eat it.

Feeling that enough was enough, she packed everything up (except for the Cybermat, which was now more of a Cyber-hairball) and moved to Ealing. First, though, she gave K-9 strict instructions to not tell the Doctor her new address.

But she made sure the new house had an attic, just in case.

Comments

[shadowturquoise.livejournal.com]

Very interesting! I love reading you thought processes and seeing the evolution. The finished product is very different and much funnier.

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm glad you found this interesting! I find it interesting to read about other people's writing process, which is one of the reasons why I share mine. It also really helps me to post about it, but it does feel pretty self-indulgent.

I think the original version's jokes felt flat, even though they were mostly the same jokes! The diary format has an energy to it that really helps the humor, I think.

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

Blimey! I never keep a separate first draft of a fic, unless it's a handwritten one in a notebook - I edit and re-edit as I write...

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

Actually, I don't keep a separate first draft either. Having the first drafts is a by-product of how I write. I do all my writing on the computer, and like you I edit as I write. But instead of deleting sections I dislike, I tend to cut-and-paste them to the bottom of the file. That way I can put them back if I decide I like them after all, or use them as a basis for rewriting.

I make additional small edits all the time that don't get preserved (grammar errors, horrible word choices, etc.), but I usually have at least a paragraph or two of abandoned writing for every fic I've written, and I don't have to look for it because it's right there at the bottom of the finished fic file along with my notes, etc.

Maybe someday I should post an entire fic file? Some are very long, though, and they contain crazy things like 10 slightly different versions of the same sentence. You do NOT want to see what my "Turn Again" writing file looks like!

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

Hmm, interesting - I've heard other people say they do that. I never have. I just re-write and that's it, it's gone!!

[thisbluespirit]

I'm slowly working my way out of my writing slump

Yay!

And, like Pers, I'm amazed you have separate files for drafts. I'd be bound to get confused and start writing in the wrong one. I have handwritten drafts, but not on my pc. Interesting though - I always liked your 'talking about writing' posts. :-)

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

I don't keep separate files either -- see above for what I said to Pers. I never get confused because I have a line in the file that separates the working version of the fic from all the abandoned pieces, notes, etc. A good gauge of how easy something was for me to write is the ratio of abandoned writing to finished writing. Sometimes that ratio is depressing, but then it always makes me feel good to see how much better the finished version is from what I started off with.

[pitry.livejournal.com]

Hooray, the chance to pick dbskyler's brains! (and your working your way out of the writing slump!).

I love the final version, but this one works quite well, too. It's actually quite great how you managed to maintain the sarcastic tone even when it was third person rather than diary!

[dbskyler.livejournal.com]

I didn't like this original version -- well, obviously, since I changed it *g* -- but yes, the sarcastic tone is there from the beginning. It's just not funny enough, though. I wanted better "delivery" of the jokes. It's interesting how much of a difference the diary format makes.